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Portugal - 2011

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So off we went to Portugal! I was terrified, even in Manchester airport. I’d never been in an airport before. I’d never even seen planes landing and taking off so close up. Even though I was scared, I was still excited. Anyone that knows me knows how much I LOVE country/pop singer, Shania twain. At the time, she’d just released a song called ‘Today Is Your day’ and an autobiography titled ‘From This Moment On’. With her book clenched in my hand and her song lyrics running round my brain, I closed my eyes and cried as the plane took off. "Today is my day, nothing can stand in my way", I kept repeating to myself over and over. Looking at it now, it’s hilarious, but I sure as shit didn’t think so at the time. To make matters even worse, an actress from British soap opera, ‘Coronation Street’ was sitting across from me and saw me crying like a baby. What were the chances?! Once we were in the air, I calmed down and stuck my head into Shania Twain’s book. The time flew (no pun i...
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2011 - Into The Unknown

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Doctors have given me many suspected diagnosis’ for my condition, this year. We’re still not sure which, if any, are the right ones but they’ve all had one word in common. TRAUMA! One doctor suspects CPTSD (Complicated post traumatic stress disorder), which I’d never heard of. In talking to people about this, it became clear to me that many people believe that you have to have served in the forces to have PTSD or CPTSD. I used to think the same thing, but that’s not the case at all. Trauma is trauma and it can happen to anyone, through many different scenarios. Another doctor suspects autistic burnout, even though I’ve never been diagnosed, or even tested for autism. I was shocked when he told me this, but if it turns out that I am autistic, I don’t think I’d be surprised, nor would anyone who knows me well. I’ve always had friends and family telling me that I’m autistic for one reason or another, mostly because of how I hug people that I’ve only just met, struggle to stay quiet, even...
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Opening

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Here goes, the start of something that I never thought I'd write about. Infact, some people in my life have discouraged me from even talking about some of this, which I don't think has helped me at all. This isn't about throwing anyone under the bus, so I'm going to give fake names and such, but everything I write here is the truth. My therapists have all encouraged me to write about this properly, instead of via the odd social media posts like I used to do, and I can't even count how many people have said, "Wow, this sounds like a plot from a movie. You could write a book!", so while this is not a book, here I am doing just that. While they never advised that I write this with the intention of people reading it, I've decided to make it public as I keep being told that by sharing parts of my struggles via social media, it's actually helped some people. Infact, when I was going through the worst of all this, I myself was desperately searching the in...
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