Portugal - 2011

So off we went to Portugal! I was terrified, even in Manchester airport. I’d never been in an airport before. I’d never even seen planes landing and taking off so close up. Even though I was scared, I was still excited. Anyone that knows me knows how much I LOVE country/pop singer, Shania twain. At the time, she’d just released a song called ‘Today Is Your day’ and an autobiography titled ‘From This Moment On’. With her book clenched in my hand and her song lyrics running round my brain, I closed my eyes and cried as the plane took off. "Today is my day, nothing can stand in my way", I kept repeating to myself over and over. Looking at it now, it’s hilarious, but I sure as shit didn’t think so at the time. To make matters even worse, an actress from British soap opera, ‘Coronation Street’ was sitting across from me and saw me crying like a baby. What were the chances?! Once we were in the air, I calmed down and stuck my head into Shania Twain’s book. The time flew (no pun intended). Once we got to Portugal, I was like a kid in a candy store. I’d never felt the heat from a hot country hit you as you leave the plane. It was awesome!! Finally, I could get a tan! We stayed in an apartment at a hotel called ‘Colina Da Lapa’ but it might as well have been a palace to me. It had a pool, a bar area and we soon made friends with all the staff. It might be common to most but I’d never experienced anything like this. I felt like a celebrity! Stuart was fluent in Portuguese and he taught me how to order my drinks from the bar in their language. It was a struggle but because I tried, the staff gave me the whole order for free. Great memories. We were having a great time for a few days, and then suddenly, in a karaoke bar of all places, something changed. I’d recently started to sing as a hobby and we decided to test me out in front of an audience of drunk people. I sang ‘When you say nothing at all’ by Ronan Keating and ‘Chasing Cars’ by Snow Patrol. I was shaking the whole way through but the audience went wild. I couldn’t believe it! British tourists came over to tell me that they want to see me singing on the club circuit when we get back home. Me, a club singer? No way could I do that, or so I thought, but that’s another story. As the night went on and the drinks flowed, we were joined by a bunch of twenty something, straight British lads. I didn’t know how they’d react to us being a couple, but they genuinely didn’t care. They were a lovely bunch of lads who treat us like old friends and they stayed with us all night. Toward the end of the night, one of the lads suggested that we all go skinny dipping in the sea. Straight away, I knew I wasn’t interested. Not only can I not swim, but no way was I going to get naked with a bunch of strangers in a strange place, no matter how nice they were. To my suprise, Stuart was excited by the idea and it was decided that I’d be the appointed clothes watcher on the beach while they all went for a drunken dip. To say that I wasn’t thrilled was an understatement, but I wasn’t going to kick off about some innocent fun. I watched as they all threw themselves into the sea and on each other. Nobodies private bits were on display as it was so dark, so it wasn’t as awkward as I’d imagined. After half an hour, they all started getting out of the water and coming toward me to collect their clothes. Stuart was the last one out and was still a way down the beach. That’s when one of the lads came over to me and as he pulled his boxer shorts up, he whispered in my ear, “Stuart’s your boyfriend, yeah?”. I said yes and he replied, “I’m not being funny, but you need to watch him. Be careful, mate!”. Confused, I asked what he meant but he just looked at me and said, “Infact, forget it’ as he walked away to rejoin his friends. It left me very confused and concerned. What had Stuart done? I knew it must’ve been something inappropriate by the way the lad spoke to me. My first urge was to ask Stuart what he’d done, but I knew that I had to tread carefully as it was so awkward to bring up, and also wanted to give the lads the chance to get away incase Stuart confronted them about it. I think it was later that night or the next morning that I confronted Stuart about what had been said, but he just said that he had no idea why the lad had said this and that he’d not done anything to warrant it. Spoiler alert: Disappointingly, I never did find out, but something must have happened. This was the very first issue that I can recall, but there is much, much more. The following night, we ended up at a restaurant and had a lovely meal. Afterward, we were walking around Portugal and discussing what we were going to do for the rest of the holiday. Stuart knew that I didn’t have much money, and I can’t remember what he suggested, but he suggested doing something pretty expensive. He’d previously told me his budget for the trip and I felt guilty that I couldn’t contribute as I'd recently lost my job, so I said, “Don’t worry about doing anything like that. I don’t have much money and I don’t want you to feel like you have to spend even more to make me happy. I’m already enjoying myself, just doing what we’re doing”. I was trying to assure him that I wasn’t going to take advantage of the situation and that I was having a great time, because I genuinely was. That’s when things took a dark turn and would continue for the next two years. For some reason, he was greatly offended by my reassurances. His facial expression turned from happy to furious and he said, ‘How dare you say that I don’t have much money? I think that’s a bit rich. My money is NONE of your business and you’re being extremely ungrateful!”. Again, I was confused but I was more shocked, I instantly felt nauseous. I tried to explain what I’d meant by what I’d said but he just kept talking over me, as if he was trying to convince me that I’d said something awful. I felt awful that he’d clearly taken it the wrong way but the more I tried to clarify, the worse it got and he treat me with distain for the rest of the night. I can’t remember what happened next but I think we just ended up going back to the apartment and going to bed. It was never spoken of again. For me, this ruined our entire trip and I was just left completely baffled and hurt. I’d clearly hurt him but had no idea how, what I thought was a thoughtful comment, was so misunderstood. I felt like scum. Little did I know that things were going to get so much worse as we returned home.